No feelings, no emotions, just walking through life as a corpse. Feeling the only burn inside of a red hot flame burning your mind into tiny cinders of nothing. It’s everything and everyone that causes your despair, pain, and heartbreak.
Your brain eating away with tiny nibbles because of the complaints you have against yourself. Slowly you make yourself uglier and more pathetic until there is nothing left but empty space where once was a normal human being.
The pressure of continuing life becomes so strong that the only way to make it easier is to watch the blood drip out of your body. A long silver blade ignites your only final resolution.
Naturally, hell is not the perfect face or the perfect body, and it is certainly not the perfect life. It is alone with the constant ache of a love that will never come to pass. There will be no fluffy marshmallows passing by your dark baren existence or beautiful ladies with long feathering wings granting wishes. Hell is like an infernal, burning at your insides until you can’t take it anymore and have no choice but to shriek from sheer exhaustion from the constant aches in your soul. It’s like a hammer cracking your head open. Blood and oozing brains spill out of the mind you once had before hell came into the picture. Hell is like life without your mate.
I lived every single day like this for the last almost two years hoping and praying that there would be some sign of life from Rogan. It had been the only thing I had woken up for each and every day was some sort of search, message, or even a change in the wind that would lead me to him. However, it had not come. Instead, I was left marked by my mate and the only way for him to come back was to find me. Without the marking ceremony completed Rogan and I had no connection and there was no way for me to just run to get him. Mated wolves had a connection where they could almost always find the other but instead, I was left with the ache knowing I had a mate who had disappeared into the woods the day of our mating ceremony not to be seen again.
The thousands of searches and the exhaustion of the Alpha himself searching every cranny of every place he could think of trying desperately to find his son. His son had given permission to go to the woods that night and had never returned. The Luna ached for her firstborn as a mother does, longing for one last touch, one last smile, one last anything. Corgan and Roe were faced to try to continue with life without their hero, their best friend, who was supposed to be the sibling they grew up with for life.
The entire pack had been at a standstill ever since Rogan was gone at least for the mood. Things changed but those closest to Rogan felt like they had barely moved. Laura and Rollo although still together in some ways and not yet mated. Laura refused to do anything but focus on the clinic and me. Sophia and Laura plunged on with the clinic and it was now fulling functioning. It was probably the one good thing that had happened because the healthcare for the pack had been updated and now more lives were saved. There was the addition of two other clinics with fully functioning clinics in both, Margo ran one at the further end of the pack lands. Caroline had made vast changes to the way the white wolves functioned and now many did’ even live at the house as before. Caroline did not have attendees and refused to allow anyone to just serve her instead she focused more on how to develop the white wolf skills for all. Clara opened up her shop and created beautiful dresses for all. I had yet to wear another dress of hers however since that night. There was no need.
The only thing I focused on was how to get Rogan back. So besides the sorrow, feeling empty, and barely surviving I focused on my powers. Sarah had been a great help and I’d learned to not only control others' emotions but manipulate them to my advantage. I had also worked a great deal on sparring and fighting with Erin’s help and was able to take even the larger opponent down now without issue. The Alpha knew all of my new skills and had allowed me to join him on man-scouting parties that included hopes of locating Rogan.