Charlotte

‘We love you Charlotte, remember that.’ My parents turn away, but I can see the pain. I don’t want them to go, I try to stop them, I grab for them, but they disappear replaced by cold mist that eerily winds itself around my body. I try to breathe; my chest is tight. I realise it’s not mist holding me in place, it’s a Lycan. The last thing I see are its teeth coming for my neck.

I jolt awake from the recurrent dream that has plagued my sleep for as long as I can remember. My body is dripping with sweat, and my heart is pounding against my ribcage. I shudder and wrap my arms around my body urging my heart to still and my inner wolf to sleep. I close my eyes calming my breathing like I had been shown in India, meditation had become my anchor to sanity. I feel my tightly wound limbs begin to relax and I slowly open my eyes. I focus on the small simple room which has been home for the past 2 months, there is a faint glow of light coming from outside the window, dawn was breaking. My stomach instinctively clenched because today I would be leaving, I could not help the delight and trepidation I began to feel.

The past 2 years, after finishing school, have been nothing short of incredible.

When I turned 18 my inner wolf showed herself to me. My foster parents had always been honest with me and told me that I was a werewolf

something that I accepted as it just seemed right

even though they themselves were human. They didn’t know anything about werewolf culture or what to really expect so I spent most of my younger life trying to connect to my inner wolf. This involved countless hours spent outside on all fours, growling, so as you can imagine I didn’t have many friends. I was stumbling in the dark and when I finished middle school I had given up on the idea and focused on just being human. I enjoyed my human life after that, gaining friends and even boyfriends but I always felt there was something missing. Deep down I didn’t feel like I belonged to this life, I was just playing the part.

On my eighteenth birthday everything changed when she broke through. I was with my then boyfriend Shane and we had started to get a little hot and heavy. It had always been hot make out sessions between us and not much more, I hate to admit but Shane wasn’t the best at making conversation, but he was a great kisser. That night I felt ready to take the next step with him, not because he was special but just because I really did feel ready. Just as it got interesting Sofia burst her way into my thoughts and mind’s eye. She was furious and I/she growled ‘Hands off.’ Shane backed away, hands in front, absolutely terrified. I didn’t shift but I’m pretty sure Shane thought I was possessed, and he was waiting for my head to turn 360 degrees. I wasn’t surprised when he ended it there and then and bolted from my room mentioning something about green vomit on the way out of the house, oh wow I had super hearing. I was so happy that Sofia was here, she saved me from what would have probably been a huge mistake, but I wasn’t going to tell her that – however she could read my thoughts, being in my mind, so she knew anyway. Sofia explained that we should wait for our fated mate. She couldn’t tell me anymore than that as she wasn’t sure herself. The realisation that Sofia didn’t have all the answers as I had hoped was devastating. I had always hoped she would bridge the gap and explain what being a wolf was all about. With that realisation I decide to leave the confines of my human life and try and find out more about who I really was.

Late one night when I was five years old, my parents had turned up on my foster parent’s doorstep. At the time my foster parents lived in a village not far from the werewolf pack border, the villages inhabitants knew that their neighbours were werewolves because they traded with each other and from all accounts it was a very large, important pack - or so my foster parents presumed. I have a hard time believing this as my parents left me with these strangers because the pack was apparently in grave danger

couldn’t be that large and important

. They begged my foster parents to keep me safe, move as far away as they could and raise me to the outside world as human. My parents apparently paid them a huge sum of money – enough to start brand new lives with very comfortable surroundings. I had made my foster parents tell me the story a thousand times hoping each time I would gain a clue of who I was, but it was impossible and for some reason my foster parents couldn’t remember where we had moved from. I didn’t believe that for a second though. I hated that I had been sold, there was no other way to describe what happened to me. Thankfully my foster parents were kind and decent. They tried so hard to include me as part of their growing family, but I never felt like I belonged, there was always a feeling that we were different. It came as no surprise to them when I packed a bag and told them I needed to find my place in the world now that I had my wolf.

I travelled to Europe because my foster parents made it clear that until I could gather more information I needed to stay under the radar. It made sense as I still didn’t have a clue what had happened to my parents or my pack and I didn’t want to ask questions to the wrong people, which could have happened in America. I was holding onto a small ray of hope, a small wish that one day I would be reunited with my parents, maybe they were in hiding like me. I spent time bonding with Sofia. Learning how to shift, learning how to become at one with nature and trying to find information on my parents and what happened to my pack.

Slowly but surely, I gathered information from the different places I visited. I had been told that King Greyson Nylec wanted to expand the Lycan territories. He believed that werewolves were inferior to Lycans and so he decided to cleanse their weaker counterparts from the world. Instead of protecting the werewolf packs, as had been done for hundreds of years previous, he wanted to eradicate us starting with the Cousland pack

the pack was named after us, wow

. I learnt that my parents were the Alpha and Luna. In werewolf packs an Alpha was the leader and their mate was the Luna

named after the Moon Goddess

. Alpha Michael and Luna Astra of pack Cousland were indeed my parents. Pack Cousland was attacked early one morning without any warning and with only a handful of survivors – the Cousland Alphas were wiped out along with their daughter. Something I knew was not true. Different places told different versions, but each ended with the pack Couslands demise. The confirmation that my parents were truly dead had been a blow to my heart, but I slowly started to hope that maybe my parents had escaped. Everyone thought I was dead, but I wasn’t.

For now, I would continue to be Charlotte Cousland the lone wolf. I was used to it even though it was a little… let’s say lonely. I had moved around Europe gathering information, but it was hard to come by as the Europeans did not get involved in the American affairs. After a year and a half of moving around and gathering tiny morsels of knowledge it was time to return to America, it was time to go home. My real home.